sister, sister

August 1, 2011 § 5 Comments

If you have been reading this blog recently or even for sometime, or maybe you know me personally, either way, you have learned that my sister and I are different. We do not share anything minus DNA, similar taste in music and a love for sweets. A lot of the time it feels like I do everything I can to be nice to her, yet she still will not talk to me. I can give her a super awesome birthday gift because it is her 21st birthday and something she would really enjoy. I can give her all the nice furniture for her apartment because she has nothing. I can hook her up with a nanny gig during this summer; the parents will continue to use her while their kids grown up. I can cut the grass for her thinking it was going to be helping her out and still get yelled at by her. It truly feels like I am constantly swimming against the current just to have my sister want to have a special relationship with me.

I am jealous of the girls that have this awesome friendship with their sisters. The sisters that do lunches together, take spas days together and end the day with a trip shopping. Sometimes it is even the smallest things I long for from my sister- like a hug. I am not even kidding when I say I get two, TWO hugs a year from my sister…one on my birthday and one on Christmas. There is nothing normal about our relationship. My mother does not understand when I explain to her that my sister cannot be my Maid of Honor. My mother literally looks at me like I am the worse person ever for even thinking that sentence. Tough shit, but it will not be her.

At work, there is a calendar filled with little quotes for each day. We have all seen them and for the most part, they are nice words of encouragement. Today’s quote hit me like a ton of bricks. It was almost as if the universe knew what was going on with me. (To top it off, I got an email from Billie this morning which made me feel so warm and loved by my friends.)

“If you don’t understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child.” -Linda Sunshine

Do not think I hate my sister or that this will not pass. In a few weeks this will all be forgotten. I would have been told by many people, parents included, to be the “bigger” person, to ignore her because I “know how she is,” and I will have moved on. However, it still stings, and right now, it is the most important thing going on. I am bitching about it all the time. It is only because it is my sister. Every single time my sister stops talking to me, keeps her wall up even around her family or says mean and hurtful things to me, I slowly get crushed more and more. Sisters should be supportive of each other at all costs. There should be a stronger bond between my sister and I than my 4 best girlfriends. Yet, they know me better. I wish my sister could know me like they do. At the end of it all, I will love, support, be there and fight for my sister whenever she needs me to…whether she is speaking to me or not.

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§ 5 Responses to sister, sister

  • Brittany says:

    I think I remember you telling me that she was a bit younger than you, so with that and from your blog it seems like she still has a lot of growing up to do. I bet as she starts to grow older and more mature she will start to appreciate everything that you do for her. I also think that if you stop doing so many things for her you would not be hurt as badly, especially if she doesn’t appreciate your kindness. I know she is family but it gets to a point where you need to stick up for yourself a bit. I have recently come to this realization in my own personal life.

    I miss you and I will always adore your humble nature and your kind heart. Hope to see you soon!

    • leigh says:

      i miss you! i actually thought about calling you today but it was the afternoon. are you still able to have convo during the early afternoon or have you started your classes or anything? i def need to catch up and bounce some thoughts off of you.

      thank you so much for your kind words. it has really bothered me this whole past week. i think i am just feeling really down because IT IS my sister. my blood. you know?

      love ya!

  • Kuros says:

    Judging from my mother’s relationship with her sisters, it does get better . . . but only after it gets worse.

  • Amber says:

    Aw this breaks my heart reading this. I’m sorry lady. I can imagine how hard that is, especially when you have the desire for such a close relationship. I will pray for reconciliation and a closeness that hasn’t been known before.
    Hang in there beauty!

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