long time

October 31, 2011 § Leave a comment

I have accomplished a lot of goals.

I have taken a break from socializing with friends, stepped back from the blogging world and focused on family time/Mister time. It was needed, wanted and perfect.

I have found a great firm to begin the journey of a career. I love my boss. I love my co-workers. It feels right.

Through it all, I realized what I was “missing,” what just did not “feel” right. I tried too hard to put effort into something I was not completely in sync with. I made a switch that most people do not do. I am going from a blog to a tumblr, as oppposed to going from a tumblr to a blog. Oh well, I have never been “ordinary.” (case in point: described my blackberry’s symptoms to the AT&T guy as “similar to the photo fading away in Back to the Future.” He laughed at me, but completely understood what I meant.)

If you plan to stick around with me…follow me here.

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get it together

August 11, 2011 § Leave a comment

I have been nothing but a negative nancy as of late. (Sidenote: I feel so bad for anyone named “Nancy;” they are stuck with such bad rep.) Nothing has made me super excited or happy; all my energy, can-do attitude and positive light has disappeared. I feel drained, defeated and just tired of being tired. Last weekend was spent surrounded by friends. For two nights in a row my house was filled with laughter, love and lots of food. Will and I decided to have a cookout. It did cause us to lay around in bed the next day but well worth it. Around 5am Saturday night/Sunday morning, I felt completely at peace with everything around me. My house was quiet, there was a storm outside and there was a wonderful, yet sometimes difficult man with his warmth blanketing me sharing my bed and everything was fine. My worries regarding my work, family members health issues, feuding with other family members, missing my Gma (she has been in NY for about a month now) and stress from beginning life with my little brother while facing the realization that I have to grow up has torn me down and out for sometime now. In that moment though, it all disappeared.

I needed to let loose, and I did just that this past weekend. Not only was some just good ol’ letting loose required and some stepping away from my computer for a bit, but I also needed some kind of break to take my mind away from everything. The Mister’s family had a Zip Lining day trip planned for a month or so. We went yesterday, and it was the perfect break. I slept in, I had fun and went wild on the lines and then ended the night early with a documentary. Not to mention, my cell phone was off for four hours, no work calls, no family calls, no worry about anything but being under ground and having a blast.

I finally am coming around and feeling like my old self again. It will take some time, but I will get there.

that is my girl

August 8, 2011 § Leave a comment

Man, I love Cher Lloyd. She seriously has something special about her.

le sigh

August 5, 2011 § Leave a comment

The end of the week is finally here. Friday has never looked so sweet. I am keeping in good spirits and finding encouragement from my friends and loved ones. I am bring back my “can do attitude.” However, when 4 p.m. rolls around and I am headed home for the night, it is going to be a wonderful thing to fall into my bed for an afternoon nap. There’s even chances of thunderstorms. Hold off til 430p.m. rain, please?

sister, sister

August 1, 2011 § 5 Comments

If you have been reading this blog recently or even for sometime, or maybe you know me personally, either way, you have learned that my sister and I are different. We do not share anything minus DNA, similar taste in music and a love for sweets. A lot of the time it feels like I do everything I can to be nice to her, yet she still will not talk to me. I can give her a super awesome birthday gift because it is her 21st birthday and something she would really enjoy. I can give her all the nice furniture for her apartment because she has nothing. I can hook her up with a nanny gig during this summer; the parents will continue to use her while their kids grown up. I can cut the grass for her thinking it was going to be helping her out and still get yelled at by her. It truly feels like I am constantly swimming against the current just to have my sister want to have a special relationship with me.

I am jealous of the girls that have this awesome friendship with their sisters. The sisters that do lunches together, take spas days together and end the day with a trip shopping. Sometimes it is even the smallest things I long for from my sister- like a hug. I am not even kidding when I say I get two, TWO hugs a year from my sister…one on my birthday and one on Christmas. There is nothing normal about our relationship. My mother does not understand when I explain to her that my sister cannot be my Maid of Honor. My mother literally looks at me like I am the worse person ever for even thinking that sentence. Tough shit, but it will not be her.

At work, there is a calendar filled with little quotes for each day. We have all seen them and for the most part, they are nice words of encouragement. Today’s quote hit me like a ton of bricks. It was almost as if the universe knew what was going on with me. (To top it off, I got an email from Billie this morning which made me feel so warm and loved by my friends.)

“If you don’t understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child.” -Linda Sunshine

Do not think I hate my sister or that this will not pass. In a few weeks this will all be forgotten. I would have been told by many people, parents included, to be the “bigger” person, to ignore her because I “know how she is,” and I will have moved on. However, it still stings, and right now, it is the most important thing going on. I am bitching about it all the time. It is only because it is my sister. Every single time my sister stops talking to me, keeps her wall up even around her family or says mean and hurtful things to me, I slowly get crushed more and more. Sisters should be supportive of each other at all costs. There should be a stronger bond between my sister and I than my 4 best girlfriends. Yet, they know me better. I wish my sister could know me like they do. At the end of it all, I will love, support, be there and fight for my sister whenever she needs me to…whether she is speaking to me or not.

it is a birthday!

August 1, 2011 § 2 Comments

You know what you should do? Head over to Katie’s and wish her a happy birthday. This girl is superfly. She is a wonderful mother (actually wonderful is an understatement), talented photographer and marvelous friend. Happy birthday lovely! You are one in a million and such a perfect addition to my family (good job ClayClay). I love you boo!

my blog?

July 30, 2011 § 3 Comments

photo by katie

I have spoken about why I blog before, but now it has been brought to my attention some people do not feel that my blog is authentic. This was brought up in casual conversation because the person which addressed this “concern”  knows very private details of my life. Private details of my life that I vowed to NEVER, EVER mention on my blog for many reasons.

Although this is a personal blog, and for the most part I share every detail of my life, my relationship is something that I never wanted completely out in the open. Why? Well, I have several reasons. For one, I do not think that my fights between the Mister and I need to be showcased on my blog. The fights we have stem from a very long and complicated past that is not easy to explain in one or two posts. Second, I respect my relationship. I respect my relationship on such a strong level that I do not want to actually say his name on this blog, hence I refer to him as “Mister.” There are things he might not be okay with me posting on my blog…private fights or details that are not allowed for the general public. They are for us. Finally, I do not want to put all the ugly, nasty details on my blog. I want my blog to be positive. I want my blog to be filled with good memories I will be able to reflect on later in my years.

Whether someone is happy with what I put on my blog or not is frankly none of their concern. This is my little space on the internet, not for anyone else. If I want to only include happy things in my life and not let everyone read about my disappointments or anger, than that is my right. I do not want people to come to my blog to read about what drama happened this day at work, with my friends or in my relationship. I want people to come here to read about me, read about things that make me happy, inspire me, challenge me or just what I have been up to. If you have a problem with it, do not read it. It won’t hurt my feelings.

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